If you’re a wife, one way to show your hubby he’s welcomed, wanted, and appreciated is to create a haven for your husband.
When my husband and I were engaged and were preparing to create a home together, we had radically different tastes.
Registering for wedding gifts became a laughable adventure together: whatever I loved, he absolutely hated. And whatever he loved, I thought was hideous. From silverware to bath towels, we quickly found that we couldn’t agree on anything.
In the process, we learned the importance of compromise. As newlyweds, we filled our home with belongings that we both agreed on, but neither one of us absolutely loved (or hated). And it worked it OK.
The strange thing that happened over time is that our preferences have evolved … and in our compromise, we’ve actually found a style that we both like best. It’s a blend of what each of us loved as singles, but it seems sweeter to me since I know it is truly our own unique style as a couple.
This blend of personalities and preferences is a wonderful thing, because it has turned our home into a haven for both of us.
Why your husband needs a haven
Everyone longs for a haven, and it’s important for wives to remember that their husbands do, too.
Coming home to a haven makes your husband feel welcomed, wanted, and appreciated. And it makes him feel loved.
When your husband feels welcomed, wanted, and appreciated, he’ll want to stick around your haven.
Think about stereotypical situations in movies and TV shows, where a husband feels more welcome at the neighborhood bar, or at a weekly poker game, or in a bowling league. In these instances, the wife is more of an “old ball and chain” and the husbands find more freedom and enjoyment out with their friends.
Those cases may be fictional, but I believe if the husbands felt like their homes were havens, they wouldn’t be so excited to leave.
Instead of turning into an “old ball and chain,” work to make your home appealing to your husband, too. Don’t cater only to your own preferences, and as hard as it may be, don’t center your home around your children. Include your husband in your decisions.
It’s an incredibly tricky balance, especially if each of you have different preferences like my husband and I did. But as the keeper of your home and creator of your haven, try to find a way to make your home appealing and nurturing to every single person who’s living there. Especially your husband.
Is this a tall order? Yes. Will you need some creativity? Yes. But it’s possible.
How to create a haven for your husband
So often, as women set out to create havens, it’s easy to think of what appeals to us – and in the process, our husbands may or may not speak up about what appeals to them.
But the easiest way to find out what your husband prefers is to ask him. If he has an opinion, he’ll share it. And if he doesn’t have an opinion, then you have freedom to make your own choices.
Sometimes, your husband may not care about the style of your home or what fills it … he just may prefer a clean home so he doesn’t feel the burden of clutter. In these cases, be thankful for the freedom you have to decorate, but figure out a way to keep your home relatively clean.
When your tastes clash
Oftentimes, though, as opposites attract in marriage, you and your husband may be dealing with opposite styles.
If you’ve watched any show on HGTV, you already know that many couples deal with extremely different style preferences. Your husband may love a minimalistic mid-century modern, and you may long for something traditional. What if your husband would prefer to live in a rustic cabin but your dream home is an old-fashioned Victorian?
Exactly what do you do if and when you and your husband have dramatically different tastes?
If at all possible, try to steer away from a full-blown fight and look more to compromise. How can you marry your two styles together?
What really, truly matters to each spouse? Maybe you absolutely love patchwork quilts and your husband can’t stand them … can you agree on a different kind of bed covering? What if your husband wants the biggest and best TV for a media room, but you’d rather have a sitting room with a wall full of books? Somehow you’ll need to come together so that both of you find some kind of satisfaction.
You may need to get creative. You may need to think outside the box. And you may need to create different areas that speak to each of you.
When you do this, you’ll just naturally gravitate toward those rooms in your home. Unless you’re both living in a studio apartment, you may have space to spread out. (And even if you are in a studio apartment, you could each have your own spot that you prefer to relax.)
A haven for your husband … and you
Creating a home like this doesn’t mean you should only cater to your husband’s preferences and end up in a completely masculine home. You live there, too. And you have your own preferences.
But just as you may not want to live in a hunting lodge or bachelor pad, he may not want to live with lace doilies or floral prints in every single room. (You may want to live in a hunting lodge, though. And he may really dig flowers and wallpaper.)
The key is to find ways to please both you and your husband. Even though women traditionally care for the home – and the Bible instructs women to keep the home (check out Titus 2:4-5) – you shouldn’t feel like you have free reign.
Get your husband’s input. Try to create a home that’s pleasing to both of you. (And especially a bedroom you both can agree upon.) In the process, you might be surprised with the result.
One way to compromise
Practically speaking, to help create a space that appealed to both me and my husband, I’ve learned to base the design and feel in our home on the actual space.
If it’s a home with sleek, modern lines, I try to be more minimalist in my decorating. If we lived in a century-old Victorian home, you better believe I would dig out family antiques and decorate with a completely different vibe.
This method was especially tricky when we lived in non-descript apartments and had no real style to accentuate. In these cases, I tried to focus more on basic colors more than particular design styles.
But by basing our decorating on the style of structure we’re actually living in takes a lot of the pressure off my husband’s style preferences or my style preferences – no one “wins” or “loses.” Instead, we have a home that looks visually appealing and ends up being a haven to both of us.
Wives, as we work to find the balance of what appeals to both ourselves and our husbands, we can create havens that are mutually nurturing.
When we do that, we can show our husbands that they’re welcomed, wanted, and appreciated. In return, our husbands will feel at home and want to spend time in our havens.
If you’re a wife, what are some ways you create a haven for your husband?
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